My Purpose and my Journey to Find It No. 11

Today I pulled the elephant card.  It's about self worth.  Yesterday my friend who's a naturopath used me as a test for a "method" of getting to the source of a problem.  It was done with questions and a pendulum.   She asked me for 3 issues I had.  The pendulum chose my weight issue.  She went through many questions using the pendulum to both choose questions and answers with input from me occasionally.   It was determined my problem started around 10 years of age.  "Oh joy" I thought to myself. .. that would be the age I couldn't remember a thing about!  She ascertained some issues but determined that they weren't actually mine.  They were issues of a friend of mine and I had taken them on.  The original source that came up was jealousy and envy.  I thought of all the problems I had, they would've been the last two things I would have picked for myself. .. however remember these were not my issues...I just took them on.

Vivian was an only child and my next door neighbour.  We played a lot as kids... she was more my sister than my real ones.  She was a year older than me and when she went to a different school than me as we got older I was devastated.    She went on to become a nurse.  We were always playing doctors and nurses with our dolls and would set up hospitals outside in the garden using all sorts if paraphernalia! She was a big girl, I didn't realise she had huge fat issues.  Apparently she was always on a diet.  I didn't have a weight problem unil later.  But apparently I took that on together with a couple of other issues she had around self worth and her intellect as well. 

It was a relief to know my problems weren't mine.  She then did some affirmations with me in the 3rd person and now it's up to me to put this information into action.  Last night I cooked myself some pasta.  Probably a bit too much.  I ate half of it and realised was full.  Usually I would keep eating it.  Last night I got out a container and put it in the fridge.  Big new step for me and sooooo proud of myself!  BIG HUGS to me LOL!!

I found a good site on the internet to start  practicing reading cards on line to see if it can be done and to see if it works.  I started looking for people who were asking to be read at first.  Then one night I felt like I needed to do a full reading so I put it out there.  Like over 150 people have contacted me.  I got a bit overwhelmed as I could feel despair when I looked at people's faces.  Instead of doing one full reading and that was it... I decided I could give quite a few people a one card reading. And I did, but after a while I came across a girl, I picked a card... it didn't feel right, I picked another for her, that one didn't feel right either, neither did the third.  Mmmmmm I'm thinking... what's wrong?   Was it her or me?  Then it hit me.  With best intentions I was trying to read for as many people as possible and I was getting slopier and slopier with my readings.  Til I got to a point where it just wasn't working.

There are no mistakes. ..that had to happen to make me realise that I also needed to work on myself.   I'd dropped that to help others.  Nothing wrong with that but my habit is to focus on one thing to the extent everything else including myself gets dropped.  It's all about balance.  No wonder I get tired sometimes running from one end of the scale to the other!